BOOSTING YOUR SEX DRIVE

There are a few areas worth addressing where I can offer some tips to help boost a low libido. We simply want to re-stimulate and invoke that physical, emotional and psychological sexual energy via communication, creativity and perhaps a little risk taking.

I. COMMUNICATION

1. Talk to your PCP, Ob-Gyn, Endocrinologist, therapist or sex therapist about what is going on. They are your first line of defense and can help discover the origin and develop a solution.

2. If you are in a relationship it is critical to have an open, honest, SAFE discussion(s) with your partner about your reduced sex drive or theirs. Each person must leave shame at the door, risk being vulnerable and compassionately support the other. Safety and honesty will allow positive energy to be present which can neutralize anxiety and help remove fear of judgment from the conversation.

3. Reflect on and share what desires you have that are unfulfilled.

4. Tell your partner how you like to be touched and what visually or aurally stimulates you and ask the same of them. Be willing to experiment and try new sexual/sensual things together, whether it is role playing, trying new positions, exploring new erogenous zones, talking dirty or acting out a fantasy. Be creative!

5. Be mindful of how you see your partner. If it is only as “the mother/father of my children”, a mind shift is in order. Recall the man/woman who drove you to heavenly distraction and whom you fell so hard for prior to the little ankle biters coming into the picture.

6. Compliment your lover often and honestly and let them know how desired they are, or how desirable they make you feel.

II. SELF-AWARENESS:

1. If you are unfamiliar with your body, look at it, touch it and get super familiar with it. Get intimately acquainted with what pressure, angle or type of stroke stimulates you which will help with #4 above. So, yes, masturbate and don’t judge self-pleasure. It is a great thing!

2. A yoga practice is wonderful for building an intimate relationship with yourself by learning how to move and control your body. Breath work used in yoga can benefit orgasm, as breathing heavily, deeply and bearing down can sometimes intensify how you peak.

3. Take Zumba or pole dancing classes to move those hips, discover your slinky self and get some carnal, sexy moves into your repertoire.

4. Exercise regularly to improve circulation (critical to intimate fitness™), change body image and state of mind.

5. Ladies, buy some lingerie that makes you feel sexy and alluring. In addition to the romance effect, it can hide things that you may be self-conscious about. Keep in mind that most men are just delighted you are having sex with them; they are not seeking out your flaws. So why are you?


III. UNCATEGORIZED SUGGESTIONS:

1. Read some Victorian (softer) or contemporary (more graphic) erotica to get things stirring before a sexual encounter or prior to self-pleasure. It is a little like foreplay. Or you can go online if you want to go a step further for other stimulating content.

2. I love anticipation and build up. Getting to a place where you are jonesing to be touched and played with is thrilling and exciting. Do this by texting or phoning your honey to tell them what you want to do to them the next time you are together or leave them post-it notes in unexpected places. Teasing activities that ratchet up the expectation heightens things for when you finally get together.

3. Give or receive a long sensual massage with your lover which includes touching everything but the sweet spots. The added bonus here is you are removing performance anxiety and the “goal” of orgasm which can help you relax into simply giving and receiving stroking pleasure.

4. Plan to have sex in an unconventional place……….you decide where that is. Whether or not you do it, thinking about it and planning it can be exciting enough.

5. Horny Goat Weed or Epimedium Sagitatum is supposed to help with low libido.

Finally, be self-loving, compassionate and communicative. Ask for what you want and try to remove fear or judgment from your birth right to be a sexual being who can enjoy and celebrate his/her sexuality.

LOW LIBIDO IN MEN

I realize that I said I would be covering exciting libido boosting tips this week, but I thought it first important to cover the topic of male low libido. Knowing that men experience it and why may help to ease some anxiety, balance the scales and normalize this situation a bit for everyone.

Many of the reasons covered in last week’s installment apply to men. Psychological factors such as depression, anxiety or poor body image and personal habits like lack of sleep or life stress can contribute to diminished sex drive. Too high or too low body weight can cause male hormone fluctuations. And yes, as with women, medication side effects and diet can curb our hunger for hot, sensual sex too.

Men’s endocrine imbalance is called hypogonadism or Low T, the T for testosterone. Low T can occur due to 1.signaling problems that may exist between the brain and testes which causes a reduction in testosterone production, 2. testes are unable to produce enough testosterone due to a defect, 3. the brain decides that testosterone levels are too high and decides to cut production.

Indicative symptoms of Low T are low to no sex drive, mood swings and reduced energy levels. If you suspect it in yourself or partner, get it checked out soon. The wonderful news is TRT or testosterone replacement therapy can help improve these symptoms and hormone levels to restore drive and virility. Consult with a trusted physician on treatment options as there are several.

A psychological and communication issue that can also take the sexy juju right out of men and women is performance anxiety. Men with ED (erectile dysfunction) or who lack of erotic esteem may be self-conscious and avoid sex. Women wish to be great lovers but “good girls” aren’t supposed to be good at it, and no one has taught us how after all. The truth be told, getting to and maintaining great, sensual, mind blowing, take you to another stratosphere sex is learned and oh yes, practiced, practiced, practiced. I urge compassion, experimentation, exploration, education, communication, shedding false constraints……….and of course Uberlube.

Next week I promise we will explore libido enhancing activities and ideas. Have a super sexy, intimately fit week!

LOW LIBIDO

By Nina Helms

This is a big topic, so let’s start with an official definition of libido: 1. Sexual desire. 2. The energy of the sexual drive as a component of the life instinct.

Low libido extinguishes our hunger for sex, diminishes our allure and sexual charisma and can result in our sex lives taking a back seat to the business and stresses of daily life. Low libido takes a toll on intimate relationships, sexual organs can atrophy - yes, if you don’t use it you lose it - and the many benefits of sex are missed out upon. This is not a good thing, but fear not, there are solutions. Sexual satisfaction and a happy healthy sex life can and even should, in my book, be a priority. And the good news is that later in life, when low libido tends to happen, is actually when sex can be at its absolute best!

There are three big physical life events for women when libido takes a hit. These are perimenopause, postpartum phases, and menopause. Reproductive hormones fluctuate, causing symptoms like weight gain, mood swings, insomnia, vaginal dryness and an overall feeling of being off. It is these disruptive and unwelcome symptoms caused by endocrine roller coaster rides that can strip us of our sexy.

Our erotic energy is also strongly tied to our heads, hearts and self- image.
Let’s keep in mind that the brain is the largest sex organ of the body.

Our attitudes about sex play a great role in our sexual desire. What sensual and sexual permission do we give ourselves? Do you explore, experiment and ask for what you want?

How much we self-love absolutely impacts the quality of sexual satisfaction. Do you like your body and think you are sexy and desirable or do you engage in self-deprecation?

Alcohol, tobacco, anti-depressants and other meds can also take a toll. So are you medicating?

Caring for children or aging parents, financial difficulties or relationship issues can weigh heavily on sexual vivacity. Is your life running rough shod over you sapping you of any time or energy to engage in sensual play?

An interdependent blend of the physical, the emotional, the environment and mind set coalesce to generate our sex drive and how we show up as our erotic selves. We are highly sexual creatures, engineered to attract, desire, give and receive pleasure. You have the power to make it bloom or push it off the radar.

Managing low libido is something to be done with medical professionals, through open communication with your lover, and by making your sexuality a personal priority. Next week I will make some sensual suggestions to help stimulate sex drive and recapture aspects of Intimate Fitness™ that physicians or analysts may not have in their bailiwick.